Office Nonsense Tally, Vol. 2

Monday--*Long lunch with some buddies. *At the urging of my manager, write a beautiful phone script extolling the virtues of the company for use in sales calls to drum up more business. Make mental note to fully intend to never use it.

Tuesday--Half Day: *Find ways to avoid making stupid sales cold calls to people at companies who will never call us back: Looking at pictures of my niece, ordering gas service for the apartment (50 mins on hold, those fuckers!), 3 separate trips to the snack machine.

Wednesday--*Change the colors of the bars in a bar graph from pink and purple to green and blue. Consider using 12pt Helvetica font for the legend rather than that tired, old 10pt Times New Roman.

Thursday--Half Day: *Come in to find my computer & belongings transported to the prairie dog cubicle farm in the other part of the office. Spend 2 hours throwing out some other lady's files and various personal items from my new cubby hole. *Probably the most work-intensive 4 hour period this week: spent 15 minutes locating/printing/collating 10-12 documents for which, I find out later, my shit-for-brains manager already had copies.

Friday--*Stroll in 45 mins late (happy "hour" on Green St. the night prior inevitably morphed into an all night boozefest.) *Take two hour lunch to get some grub into my belly in the hopes that it will soak up the remaining liquor in my system. Almost spew the first bite onto the waitstaff. *Blow off my manager to do some more interesting work on the company's sales strategy with a senior partner. "Sorry, can't make that hair appointment for you just yet, I need to help find out from where the next $1 million in company revenue is coming." Her hatred grows, I feel it. I anticipate being fired very soon.