Baby Sharts

Have you ever been the on the receiving end of projectile baby poo? My cousin and I were recently inducted into the "Shat-upon Club," courtesy of my sweet baby niece. My younger sister (another aunt, not the mother) has avoided gaining membership into the club by refusing to change poopy diapers. My mother is a four-time plus veteran of these attacks, Lord love her. While my mother and cousin calmly asked for a helping hand from anyone nearby after they were showered with poop and proceeded to wipe themselves off, I found myself paralyzed, being only capable of emitting banshee-like screams as I stared in disgust at the sticky stool coating my pant leg. After my sister slapped me out of shock five minutes later, I madly dashed to the shower and cleansed my person of all remnants of the spattered turds.

Baby girl, because you're barely two months old I guess I can forgive you of your involuntary bowel actions. But just know that I have a story to embarrass you with for countless times to come when you are in full control of all your bodily functions. Bwa ha ha ha ha (Dr. Evil-style)...