Fomites

I skeeve touching doorknobs and elevator buttons, avoid lying on top of hotel comforters, and am repulsed if my skin makes contact with any exposed surfaces while sitting on public transportation. Sometimes I like to obsess about those ominpresent nanoscopic germs being harbored on this laptop keyboard I'm typing upon or that pencil eraser you are chewing on.

It's no surprise I hate using public restrooms. Why can't all lavatories have the automatic faucets, soap dispensers, and hand dryers like those in many of the modern airports? My workaround to flushing the toilet and opening the door of the stall contact-free: press the flusher down with your foot and turn the latch with toilet paper. Let's not forget about port-o-potties. I gag everytime my kidneys and sense of modesty force me to use one. I need to wash my hands now. Anti-bacterially yours.